Sabrina left us in charge of Batman and her apartment while she ran off to San Francisco and her long awaiting boyfriend.
We've been lucky enough to share the apartment with one of her aquaintances from Sydney who likes to 'party' at 4:30am in her room. This wouldnt be an issue except for the fact that we sleep in the lounge room. So the bright lights and clanging of the cat food bowl flying across the room have just been a fucking awesome part of my sleep pattern of late. Not to mention the giggling that occurs when you're intoxicated and think no one can hear you. Everyone can hear you.
We did some partying of our own last week - our first night out in New York consisted of making dinner, having a few beverages and then someone slipping a little something something in my drink. I really enjoyed throwing up in the snow filled gutter, falling in it, and then continuing to throw up after getting a lift home in a limo. It was like the Presets. Minus the Presets.
Aside from that, we all had a blast. I danced off the rest of my night to the entire Vampire Weekend soundtrack back at Sab's apartment (with Sab & Tully) while they took turns in slapping me in the face.
Take two on the partying - Christmas Eve we went out for 'a drink'. With no Sab and no idea where we were going, we stopped the cab in East Village and decided to join a line outside the only club that was open. Some black guy in sunglasses was picking people out of the line and letting them in, Jess piped up that we were Australian and he invited us straight in (No one could see that under our jackets we were wearing the same t-shirts and jeans we'd been wearing for the past 2 days).
We managed to be let into a roped off area and helped ourselves to bottles of vodka on ice. Needless to say Christmas morning consisted of managing to succesfully hold my vomit down. Tully wasn't so lucky..
Christmas day was spent at Josh's apartment in East Village with 11 other Australian's who we'd never met before. Still feeling like we were going to throw up, Tully and I decided it would be rude to say no to a glass of wine to accompany the three hour long game of pictionary. It was nice to not have to listen to the American accent for once, and the weather wasn't below freezing. We could almost pretend we were home.
Lunch was roast chickens, ham, pork, salads, baked potato's, gravy.. enough to feed a small country. I think I was swaying by this point.. sometime it grew dark and Tull and I dragged our sorry arses back home.
A few highlights of the past few days:
- realising I had $36 in my bank account
- Jess and Tull pissing off about 40 tourists by lying on the John Lennon memorial in Strawberry Fields in Central Park
- Dylan's Candy Bar. Oh my god. Everything you can imagine plus more. There were chocolate covered oreo's, grape flavoured gummy bears, cookie dough covered in chocolate, oreo cupcakes.. I now have diabeties.
- Tully's diet of yesterday: coke for breakfast, chocolate brownie, M'Donalds, other chocolate brownie and then a chocolate pop tart for dinner
- walking 80 blocks because we couldn't find the right subway line
- having to tell a giant, glaring, mexican man that he'd short changed me
- getting a free lunch at the Natural History Museum today thanks to CSU Dining Hall tricks of the trade
- making friends with a homeless man who feeds pigeons and said he was going to marry his wife's daughter
- finding out there's a Cindy Sherman exhibition here at the moment
- not seeing Suri Cruise.
I'm in a tourist shop with techno music and fluro lights to keep me company. Time to leave..
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
LA ---> New York. Start Spreading The News. And the poverty my budget is now in.
* small note: I apologise in advance for how this is written. I was delirious .
The last few days of LA we spent mostly on Melrose Ave, which was like Crown Street on steroids. The street was covered in graffiti art which was mostly of Obama in various superhero scenarios. The shops were amazing and i had to use alot of self control not to spend all my money on clothes and other crap that would not fit into my backpack.
We crashed in a hostel and saw Australia at the Arc Light Cinema's which im now in love with. It was really weird seeing that film in America, and embarrassing when Hugh Jackman said "crikey" and grinned like he was in a Colgate commerical. Everyone in the cinema seemed to like it though. People even started clapping at the end. Because they're American.
Tully came down with a raging fever that nigh - I think she had one too many cheesburgers and wasn't used to doing anything more physical than leaving her bed and walking to either the bathroom, kitchen or her car. We had no pain killers on us so I had to do a deal with the asian woman running the place downstairs and ibuprofen was delivered to our door at 11:30pm.
I promised Tull I'd accompany her on a Celebrity Tour so on our last day I found myself in a limo (necessary of course) with a bunch of people and the most innapropriate, loud and insane driver i'd had so far. I say 'so far' because that very night we had an asian guy who burst into opera singing and didn't stop even when he heard us snorting with laughter in the back seats. In fact he said "you think i'm funny!" and continued louder.
So our tour kicked off with a few jokes from the driver about diarrhea and swiss women and seeing the church from Sister Act. An empty bottle of champagne rattled around with every corner under an A4 sign that said "TIPPING: $10 - GOOD TOUR, $15 - EXCELLENT TOUR, $20 - LET'S GO AGAIN!".
Get. Fucked.
I certainly did not have any desire to go again. Although i did enjoy seeing Leonardo Dicaprio's house and imaging that i could fulfill my 12yr old dream of sitting out the front and happening to run into him. That didn't happen but i still had to tip the driver $10.
That night we packed like maniacs, and ordered a cab for 5am.
Checking myself in for United Airlines involved a lot of touch screen computers, three employees and about 200 passengers. It was also 6am, freezing and I had my small dead horse strapped to my back. I was supposed to scan my passport and ended up shoving it in the hole where your tickets come out, and it disappeared. Goodbye life.
It took me a second to realise what I'd done before I panicked like never before and a man had to call for assistance, loudly, in front of the entire line - in his american accent "THIS LADY HAS JAMMED HER PASSPORT IN THE TICKET SLOT".
Thankyou kind sir.
Next I was pulled aside for a random search and as a lady slapped her rubber gloves on I pondered on how my day could get any better.
I received my answer when my bankrupt airline couldn't serve any food, and again, I was put in the middle of two people. Just as a side note my large knee caps do not fit in economy sized spaces.
Flying into New York however was very fucking exciting. It was dark so I saw the Brooklyn Bridge and Statue of Liberty all lit up and seriously could not stop grinning. We stumbled out of the airport into arctic temperatures, wearing all the warm clothes we own, giving us the appearance of two fat snowmen.
After a bus ride that was heated to 50 degrees, we were dropped at Grand Central Terminal and attempted (and failed) our first subway experience. People were laughing at us and not in the nice way. I had no fucking idea where to go, so we took a stab and ended up on a train heading for the bronx. As a general rule, most people there aren't so friendly so we got off and cabbed it to Sabrina's house, literally throwing our bags in the gutter and collapsing ontop of them.
Sab took us to dinner that night and for a wander through Times Square - which is insane and makes your head feel like it's going to burst - before going home and crashing.
The last few days of LA we spent mostly on Melrose Ave, which was like Crown Street on steroids. The street was covered in graffiti art which was mostly of Obama in various superhero scenarios. The shops were amazing and i had to use alot of self control not to spend all my money on clothes and other crap that would not fit into my backpack.
We crashed in a hostel and saw Australia at the Arc Light Cinema's which im now in love with. It was really weird seeing that film in America, and embarrassing when Hugh Jackman said "crikey" and grinned like he was in a Colgate commerical. Everyone in the cinema seemed to like it though. People even started clapping at the end. Because they're American.
Tully came down with a raging fever that nigh - I think she had one too many cheesburgers and wasn't used to doing anything more physical than leaving her bed and walking to either the bathroom, kitchen or her car. We had no pain killers on us so I had to do a deal with the asian woman running the place downstairs and ibuprofen was delivered to our door at 11:30pm.
I promised Tull I'd accompany her on a Celebrity Tour so on our last day I found myself in a limo (necessary of course) with a bunch of people and the most innapropriate, loud and insane driver i'd had so far. I say 'so far' because that very night we had an asian guy who burst into opera singing and didn't stop even when he heard us snorting with laughter in the back seats. In fact he said "you think i'm funny!" and continued louder.
So our tour kicked off with a few jokes from the driver about diarrhea and swiss women and seeing the church from Sister Act. An empty bottle of champagne rattled around with every corner under an A4 sign that said "TIPPING: $10 - GOOD TOUR, $15 - EXCELLENT TOUR, $20 - LET'S GO AGAIN!".
Get. Fucked.
I certainly did not have any desire to go again. Although i did enjoy seeing Leonardo Dicaprio's house and imaging that i could fulfill my 12yr old dream of sitting out the front and happening to run into him. That didn't happen but i still had to tip the driver $10.
That night we packed like maniacs, and ordered a cab for 5am.
Checking myself in for United Airlines involved a lot of touch screen computers, three employees and about 200 passengers. It was also 6am, freezing and I had my small dead horse strapped to my back. I was supposed to scan my passport and ended up shoving it in the hole where your tickets come out, and it disappeared. Goodbye life.
It took me a second to realise what I'd done before I panicked like never before and a man had to call for assistance, loudly, in front of the entire line - in his american accent "THIS LADY HAS JAMMED HER PASSPORT IN THE TICKET SLOT".
Thankyou kind sir.
Next I was pulled aside for a random search and as a lady slapped her rubber gloves on I pondered on how my day could get any better.
I received my answer when my bankrupt airline couldn't serve any food, and again, I was put in the middle of two people. Just as a side note my large knee caps do not fit in economy sized spaces.
Flying into New York however was very fucking exciting. It was dark so I saw the Brooklyn Bridge and Statue of Liberty all lit up and seriously could not stop grinning. We stumbled out of the airport into arctic temperatures, wearing all the warm clothes we own, giving us the appearance of two fat snowmen.
After a bus ride that was heated to 50 degrees, we were dropped at Grand Central Terminal and attempted (and failed) our first subway experience. People were laughing at us and not in the nice way. I had no fucking idea where to go, so we took a stab and ended up on a train heading for the bronx. As a general rule, most people there aren't so friendly so we got off and cabbed it to Sabrina's house, literally throwing our bags in the gutter and collapsing ontop of them.
Sab took us to dinner that night and for a wander through Times Square - which is insane and makes your head feel like it's going to burst - before going home and crashing.
Go Eat Something
On our last formal dining experience in Puerto i thought it highly appropriate to buy Annorexic Dog With Worms a meal. Much to the disgust and protest of Tully Anne Smyth, I ordered her a plate of scrambled eggs with ham. She really stunk which didn't help the situation. Upon the arrival of her meal i had to take it around the corner so as not to offend the shop owner. The plate was clean in about 14 seconds but she didn't get any fatter. Heaps of 'road work' was being done, which was basically a bunch of mexicans hacking up the cement with anything they could. Someone was driving a steamroller type thing and Annorexic Dog With Worms was laying in the sun and they thought it would be funny so kept driving. That was bad. Everything was in slow motion and our whole table stood up but didn't know what to do. Someone screamed at her and she swayed out of the way just in time. I think i would've thrown my burrito up ten times over.
We packed our bags and hailed a taxi, at least now knowing how to say 'how much to the bus stop' in spanish. I still keep accidentally saying "gracias" to people and this comes across as very fucking rude when they happen to actually be mexican. We got the 'deluxe' edition of the bus this time which promised us a 'remote control' and larger seats. I never actually found the remote control and have no idea what it would've done considering we all watched the same one television. Some bad Jackie Chan film dubbed in Spanish had two large mexicans behind us laughing like teenage girls for a solid 3hrs. Everytime they stopped Tully would immitate them really loud and I thought we were going to be stabbed. We were also given a 'snack pack' with corned beef and mustard sandwiches. I ate it despite the large chance it was not corned beef and had been stored near the bus engine for the past month.
The seats were amazing (thankyou extra $13) and i fell asleep after Jackie Chan stopped speaking Spanish. I would wake up various times throughout the night and not realise how id woken up or what had startled me. Then i caught her. Tully was tapping me on the hand every so often so she'd have someone to annoy and sing to. When i asked her why she was tapping me, she looked most innocently and said "what? oh no, i dont know what you're talking about". The next time i awoke was to the sun rising and Tully's eye balls popping out of her head. The bus was late and we were about to miss our flight back to LA. After throwing our spanish to the wind and offending/ bashing many people out of the way, we grabbed our bags from under the bus and strapped them to our backs. It feels like i'm carrying a horse on my back every time. I never get used to it.
Anyway we cabbed it to the airport and made our flight just in time. We both stunk and again were the only westerners in sight. I rubbed a face wipe on my arm and it turned brown. Fresh.
LA at least felt more familiar than Mexico. I really knew I was back in America when the money exchange booth was closed. We hung around and ten minutes later a lady the size of a small truck waddles back with a diet coke and a plastic bag of food in her hands. She glares at us, daring to alert her to the fact she was half and hour late back from lunch. The money we exchanged was basically eaten up by the fee and i realised our Mexican bubble of two dollar burritos and three dollar cabs had officially ended. After having my first american Big Mac (the small drink is the size of an aussie large. and cheesburger meals come with two burgers because apparently fat patrol in the US decided one was certainly not enough. you have to clog both arteries to get your moneys worth) we payed a $70US cab back to Encino, where David lives.
Of course he took us out that night, along with his Russian girlfriend Saskia. We drank at the hotel Natalie Portman was staying at and i wanted to see her just so jane would fly over to kill me. No luck though. Tully however nearly had a heart attack when Nikki Hilton walked past. She flattened herself against the wall for support before unsubtly excusing herself to stalk/assault her in the bathrooms. I woke up on the couch at David's sisters house. She had no idea we were coming and had brought a guy home. David stayed outside and refused to leave until he could say hello to the man and was shouting passive aggressive comments through the bedroom door which i found amusing but apparently his sister didn't. The housemate also didn't find it amusing when she came home that morning to find David and Saskia in her bed.
So while David worked we went to the Beverly Centre and looked around. I was still drunk and smelt like cat litter. We ended up busing it to Venice Beach which was suprisingly easy. Our day was spent on giant yellow and pink bikes, riding around amongst the weirdest people I've come across so far. They were all on drugs. A homeless group of about 20 people were catching some sun under palm trees on the picturesque beach front, laughing and shouting abuse at us as we rode past.. "Go eat something!" and "Aren't you hungry?".
We peddelled as fast as possible to reach a ferris wheel we could see in the distance. Upon arriving there we saw a sign and realised we were actually at Santa Monica Pier. So after discovering the freak shows there and taking a few pictures (while trying to steer) we headed back at full speed to try and make our 1hrs time limit on the bikes.
That day i also wandered into a shop that was all black with a white sad face painted on the outside. It had bmx bikes and a few t-shirts in the window and looked like a gallery. In hindsight, I realise this place was kind of exclusive and you only go in there if you know someone or you're going to buy a bike. Anyway I had no idea about this and spotted a skateboard on the wall upstairs in a loft. I thought there were boards for sale so i said to a large guy dressed like he was black if i could go up. He looked really taken aback and said "If you want?". So i came to the top of the stairs to find twelve guys in oversized t-shirts, bling and hats staring at me. They were all on Mac computers. So i had invited myself not only into this shop but into their office. Grand. They didn't know what to do so ended up talking to me. Fuck knows what i said but I ended up getting directions for Venice Originals Skate Shop and the beach.
Tully was waiting outside, mortified. Apparently i'd been the only one who hadn't picked up on the vibe.
We packed our bags and hailed a taxi, at least now knowing how to say 'how much to the bus stop' in spanish. I still keep accidentally saying "gracias" to people and this comes across as very fucking rude when they happen to actually be mexican. We got the 'deluxe' edition of the bus this time which promised us a 'remote control' and larger seats. I never actually found the remote control and have no idea what it would've done considering we all watched the same one television. Some bad Jackie Chan film dubbed in Spanish had two large mexicans behind us laughing like teenage girls for a solid 3hrs. Everytime they stopped Tully would immitate them really loud and I thought we were going to be stabbed. We were also given a 'snack pack' with corned beef and mustard sandwiches. I ate it despite the large chance it was not corned beef and had been stored near the bus engine for the past month.
The seats were amazing (thankyou extra $13) and i fell asleep after Jackie Chan stopped speaking Spanish. I would wake up various times throughout the night and not realise how id woken up or what had startled me. Then i caught her. Tully was tapping me on the hand every so often so she'd have someone to annoy and sing to. When i asked her why she was tapping me, she looked most innocently and said "what? oh no, i dont know what you're talking about". The next time i awoke was to the sun rising and Tully's eye balls popping out of her head. The bus was late and we were about to miss our flight back to LA. After throwing our spanish to the wind and offending/ bashing many people out of the way, we grabbed our bags from under the bus and strapped them to our backs. It feels like i'm carrying a horse on my back every time. I never get used to it.
Anyway we cabbed it to the airport and made our flight just in time. We both stunk and again were the only westerners in sight. I rubbed a face wipe on my arm and it turned brown. Fresh.
LA at least felt more familiar than Mexico. I really knew I was back in America when the money exchange booth was closed. We hung around and ten minutes later a lady the size of a small truck waddles back with a diet coke and a plastic bag of food in her hands. She glares at us, daring to alert her to the fact she was half and hour late back from lunch. The money we exchanged was basically eaten up by the fee and i realised our Mexican bubble of two dollar burritos and three dollar cabs had officially ended. After having my first american Big Mac (the small drink is the size of an aussie large. and cheesburger meals come with two burgers because apparently fat patrol in the US decided one was certainly not enough. you have to clog both arteries to get your moneys worth) we payed a $70US cab back to Encino, where David lives.
Of course he took us out that night, along with his Russian girlfriend Saskia. We drank at the hotel Natalie Portman was staying at and i wanted to see her just so jane would fly over to kill me. No luck though. Tully however nearly had a heart attack when Nikki Hilton walked past. She flattened herself against the wall for support before unsubtly excusing herself to stalk/assault her in the bathrooms. I woke up on the couch at David's sisters house. She had no idea we were coming and had brought a guy home. David stayed outside and refused to leave until he could say hello to the man and was shouting passive aggressive comments through the bedroom door which i found amusing but apparently his sister didn't. The housemate also didn't find it amusing when she came home that morning to find David and Saskia in her bed.
So while David worked we went to the Beverly Centre and looked around. I was still drunk and smelt like cat litter. We ended up busing it to Venice Beach which was suprisingly easy. Our day was spent on giant yellow and pink bikes, riding around amongst the weirdest people I've come across so far. They were all on drugs. A homeless group of about 20 people were catching some sun under palm trees on the picturesque beach front, laughing and shouting abuse at us as we rode past.. "Go eat something!" and "Aren't you hungry?".
We peddelled as fast as possible to reach a ferris wheel we could see in the distance. Upon arriving there we saw a sign and realised we were actually at Santa Monica Pier. So after discovering the freak shows there and taking a few pictures (while trying to steer) we headed back at full speed to try and make our 1hrs time limit on the bikes.
That day i also wandered into a shop that was all black with a white sad face painted on the outside. It had bmx bikes and a few t-shirts in the window and looked like a gallery. In hindsight, I realise this place was kind of exclusive and you only go in there if you know someone or you're going to buy a bike. Anyway I had no idea about this and spotted a skateboard on the wall upstairs in a loft. I thought there were boards for sale so i said to a large guy dressed like he was black if i could go up. He looked really taken aback and said "If you want?". So i came to the top of the stairs to find twelve guys in oversized t-shirts, bling and hats staring at me. They were all on Mac computers. So i had invited myself not only into this shop but into their office. Grand. They didn't know what to do so ended up talking to me. Fuck knows what i said but I ended up getting directions for Venice Originals Skate Shop and the beach.
Tully was waiting outside, mortified. Apparently i'd been the only one who hadn't picked up on the vibe.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Kids These Days: Rude Bitches
This is a snippet of the conversation I just had with Charlotte.
'Rebecca' is her.
Stef dice:
hey i took a photo for you
Rebecca dice:
thats your head
Stef dice:
have you seen all the stars in hollywood on the pavement?
Rebecca dice:
since i havent been to hollywood no
Rebecca dice:
jhhjhxudfjktrfhdue
Rebecca dice:
n
Stef dice:
i thought you might have seen it on TELEVISION
Rebecca dice:
since i dont watch amican telivison no
Rebecca dice:
hfvhfb
Rebecca dice:
get a brain
Stef dice:
oh holy shit
Stef dice:
im crying with laughter here
Rebecca dice:
he ha he
Rebecca dice:
so am i
Rebecca dice:
not
Rebecca dice:
we ha the school fair on friday afternoon
Rebecca dice:
Rebecca dice:
we recked the gay jumping castle
Rebecca dice:
chris and i
Rebecca dice:
fart head speak to me
Rebecca dice:
dont be shitty
Rebecca dice:
xcedjfhhjdegf
Stef dice:
hahahahahahahah
Stef dice:
you wrecked a gay jumping castle???
Rebecca dice:
yep
Rebecca dice:
we tackle the middle
Rebecca dice:
mum worked on the sagage sizzle
Stef dice:
so did this jumping castle explode?
Rebecca dice:
no we just made the thing in the middle soft then everone else stated tacklind it
Rebecca dice:
ha
Stef dice:
hahahahahah
Stef dice:
thats great well done
Rebecca dice:
ha ha ha
Rebecca dice:
hhhhhhuh
Rebecca dice:
shut up
Rebecca dice:
syweuydi6485872we859
Rebecca dice:
just write me a mesage
Rebecca dice:
tap tap im waiting
Stef dice:
have you read my blog?
Rebecca dice:
hallo travis please coldnt you think of a better name
Rebecca dice:
oh thats write you dont have a brain
Rebecca dice:
bye
Stef dice:
bye charlotte
Rebecca dice:
the names charlie
'Rebecca' is her.
Stef dice:
hey i took a photo for you
Rebecca dice:
thats your head
Stef dice:
have you seen all the stars in hollywood on the pavement?
Rebecca dice:
since i havent been to hollywood no
Rebecca dice:
jhhjhxudfjktrfhdue
Rebecca dice:
n
Stef dice:
i thought you might have seen it on TELEVISION
Rebecca dice:
since i dont watch amican telivison no
Rebecca dice:
hfvhfb
Rebecca dice:
get a brain
Stef dice:
oh holy shit
Stef dice:
im crying with laughter here
Rebecca dice:
he ha he
Rebecca dice:
so am i
Rebecca dice:
not
Rebecca dice:
we ha the school fair on friday afternoon
Rebecca dice:
Rebecca dice:
we recked the gay jumping castle
Rebecca dice:
chris and i
Rebecca dice:
fart head speak to me
Rebecca dice:
dont be shitty
Rebecca dice:
xcedjfhhjdegf
Stef dice:
hahahahahahahah
Stef dice:
you wrecked a gay jumping castle???
Rebecca dice:
yep
Rebecca dice:
we tackle the middle
Rebecca dice:
mum worked on the sagage sizzle
Stef dice:
so did this jumping castle explode?
Rebecca dice:
no we just made the thing in the middle soft then everone else stated tacklind it
Rebecca dice:
ha
Stef dice:
hahahahahah
Stef dice:
thats great well done
Rebecca dice:
ha ha ha
Rebecca dice:
hhhhhhuh
Rebecca dice:
shut up
Rebecca dice:
syweuydi6485872we859
Rebecca dice:
just write me a mesage
Rebecca dice:
tap tap im waiting
Stef dice:
have you read my blog?
Rebecca dice:
hallo travis please coldnt you think of a better name
Rebecca dice:
oh thats write you dont have a brain
Rebecca dice:
bye
Stef dice:
bye charlotte
Rebecca dice:
the names charlie
Puerto Escondido. I dont speak spanish.
i dont really know where to start. getting here was a fucking mission.. 12 hour bus ride with a bunch of mexicans and their kids who liked to pull our hair. it was supposed to be the 'night bus' but they blared three movies so i think i got to sleep just before dawn. im in love with blow up neck pillows. after the stint at the bus stop i was so dirty that i wiped my arm with a face wipe and it went brown. lying on the floor and attempting to eat luke warm meat was not a good call. however good news was we didnt get robbed on the way. we read in lonely planet yesterday that night buses should be avoided as they travel through the poorer parts of mexico and are frequently held up. sick.
travis you wouldve died coming into this place. we're in a shitty 'cab' going over potholes etc. on this dirt road and then the car takes a sharp right, first thing you see is a perfect line up with waves rolling in and not a cloud in the sky. palm trees everywhere and shitty little houses around the place.
we{re staying in a villa and you walk out our door onto a garden of cacti and then it's just sand. stray dogs are everywhere. all the buildings are bright and stacked ontop of each other like in Doctor Sues. the hostel where our friends are staying is right next to ours. it doesnt have a name and is guarded by about 50 kittens who are fed corn? you just keep going up and up until you reach the top level where you have a perfect view of the entire beach and the sun setting. there's also a bunch of hammocks we've adopted.
met some awesome people. hanging out with a german girl who speaks about 700 languages. shes like a walking guide book. she likes to say 'fuuuck' a lot and drinks straight vodka from plastic cups. my favourite mexican guy is one from a burrito store who likes to take the piss out of us and says 'gday mate' everytime we try to order. he's learnt english from listening to people apparently and has warned us about the giant white water snakes, sharks and flying sting rays. slightly scared.
Went to a beach called Carrisaleo yesterday.. it's a small bay with 27degree aqua water, palm trees and a few huts where a mad 10yr old girl served us prawns and beer. I spent most of the time laughing to myself. It was rediculous.
So many stray dogs everywhere.. most people are nice to them and feed them when they can, but some fuckwit threw hot oil on one of the dogs a few weeks ago and it's back is all scabbed up. so now eveyone feeds that dog.
My personal favourite is Annorexic Dog With Worms. she's knocked up like most of the others. she had half my spaghetti bolognase tonight. we shared like in lady and the tramp and smooched at the end. so i got a side of worm aids with my meal.
just joking about the smooching part. wendy you can stop panicking. hahaha.
a few of the mad health and safety regulations ive noticed around here are:
* live wires dangling from roofs
* ladies in shops handing out medication for parasites
* me not getting any vaccinations. joking! half.
* babies who cant walk chillin out behind the bar at 1am
* entire roads dug up and forklifts going for it next to cars
* men smashing up concrete and pieces flying everywhere including on my face
* white sea snakes that apparently can bite your hand off
* walking through sewage water that is going straight into the pipes connected to our taps
* cops driving around with rifals the size of their legs.
two guys we met last night spent the night in jail after getting very drunk and snapping off a small palm tree, trying to get it in a cab and being caught be the police. they were handcuffed and put in a cell. the floor was the toilet so use your imagination. they were hosed by the police and let out for $200 pesos the next day. which is about $18 aus. they think it's hilarious. travis brown style all the way. after hanging out with these guys tully has been using the 'c' word and 'frothing'. it's amazing.
we met up with chris peck when we came, and it was his last night last night. we started drinking on the top floor in hammocks, went to a beach bar for sunset, found another that served 'coco locos' which ended up being entire coconuts filled with rum, tequila, vodka and just coconut juice. we decided to have one each. it tasted like hell on earth and was too heavy to hold for more than five minutes. we took these to dinner which was burritos and went to the one and only nightclub/bar where it was two for one cocktails. at 4am we decided we needed more vodka so we ran down the road and some guy passed us a bottle of Absolute through the locked gates of the shop. we thought this was fantastic at the time but i dont remember what happened after that.
tully stopped spewing at 2:30pm today. poor chris had three plane rides ahead of him.
ill put up photos when i get back to LA because computers here are crap. cant really do this palce justice with words. adios.
travis you wouldve died coming into this place. we're in a shitty 'cab' going over potholes etc. on this dirt road and then the car takes a sharp right, first thing you see is a perfect line up with waves rolling in and not a cloud in the sky. palm trees everywhere and shitty little houses around the place.
we{re staying in a villa and you walk out our door onto a garden of cacti and then it's just sand. stray dogs are everywhere. all the buildings are bright and stacked ontop of each other like in Doctor Sues. the hostel where our friends are staying is right next to ours. it doesnt have a name and is guarded by about 50 kittens who are fed corn? you just keep going up and up until you reach the top level where you have a perfect view of the entire beach and the sun setting. there's also a bunch of hammocks we've adopted.
met some awesome people. hanging out with a german girl who speaks about 700 languages. shes like a walking guide book. she likes to say 'fuuuck' a lot and drinks straight vodka from plastic cups. my favourite mexican guy is one from a burrito store who likes to take the piss out of us and says 'gday mate' everytime we try to order. he's learnt english from listening to people apparently and has warned us about the giant white water snakes, sharks and flying sting rays. slightly scared.
Went to a beach called Carrisaleo yesterday.. it's a small bay with 27degree aqua water, palm trees and a few huts where a mad 10yr old girl served us prawns and beer. I spent most of the time laughing to myself. It was rediculous.
So many stray dogs everywhere.. most people are nice to them and feed them when they can, but some fuckwit threw hot oil on one of the dogs a few weeks ago and it's back is all scabbed up. so now eveyone feeds that dog.
My personal favourite is Annorexic Dog With Worms. she's knocked up like most of the others. she had half my spaghetti bolognase tonight. we shared like in lady and the tramp and smooched at the end. so i got a side of worm aids with my meal.
just joking about the smooching part. wendy you can stop panicking. hahaha.
a few of the mad health and safety regulations ive noticed around here are:
* live wires dangling from roofs
* ladies in shops handing out medication for parasites
* me not getting any vaccinations. joking! half.
* babies who cant walk chillin out behind the bar at 1am
* entire roads dug up and forklifts going for it next to cars
* men smashing up concrete and pieces flying everywhere including on my face
* white sea snakes that apparently can bite your hand off
* walking through sewage water that is going straight into the pipes connected to our taps
* cops driving around with rifals the size of their legs.
two guys we met last night spent the night in jail after getting very drunk and snapping off a small palm tree, trying to get it in a cab and being caught be the police. they were handcuffed and put in a cell. the floor was the toilet so use your imagination. they were hosed by the police and let out for $200 pesos the next day. which is about $18 aus. they think it's hilarious. travis brown style all the way. after hanging out with these guys tully has been using the 'c' word and 'frothing'. it's amazing.
we met up with chris peck when we came, and it was his last night last night. we started drinking on the top floor in hammocks, went to a beach bar for sunset, found another that served 'coco locos' which ended up being entire coconuts filled with rum, tequila, vodka and just coconut juice. we decided to have one each. it tasted like hell on earth and was too heavy to hold for more than five minutes. we took these to dinner which was burritos and went to the one and only nightclub/bar where it was two for one cocktails. at 4am we decided we needed more vodka so we ran down the road and some guy passed us a bottle of Absolute through the locked gates of the shop. we thought this was fantastic at the time but i dont remember what happened after that.
tully stopped spewing at 2:30pm today. poor chris had three plane rides ahead of him.
ill put up photos when i get back to LA because computers here are crap. cant really do this palce justice with words. adios.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Mexico
The check in line for our flight to Mexico was the first time I felt abnormal. Everyone was Mexican. They spoke Spanish. And the blonde next to me was the only one I could see in our terminal. No joke. American security is insane. They made us take our shoes and jackets off, we were photographed and fingerprinted. We were asked where we were going and why, who we were staying with and how we knew them. I felt like I was back at Monte.
I sat next to an old Spanish guy who had half his ear missing. He liked to show me many times how his watch worked. As we were taking off in our tiny plane he made the sign of the cross and kissed his rosary beads. I gave us a 25% chance of dying. A few days ago at LAX airport (where we were) a small plane nose dived and caught on fire. I chose not to tell tully this. We’re trying to save the Xanax for the 15hr bus ride through Mexico.
I was slightly worried about going to Mexico city because every person I’ve spoken to has looked at me like im insane. This didn’t help when we were landing and the little lady next to me said in broken Spanish ‘be….careful’. She managed to tell me the only safe way to get a cab is to book one at an office, only the yellow and white ones. Im really glad she said this because stepping out of the terminal we were bombarded by 50 different men with slicked hair trying to get us to go with their cabs. Our giant backpacks attracted them like flies. We managed to organize to be taken to a hotel for the night and set off at the speed of light, no seatbelts and apparently no lanes. We were slightly shitting ourselves but laughing at the same time: well I was anyway:
there goes my full stop again:
Our hotel looked like a seventies porn set and someone had decorated the inside with white street lamps, broken mirrors, clusters of black leather chairs and tinsel. No one around spoken English and so it took us about 15mins to get a room, and they ripped us off. Actually now I think about it they probably did speak English. They just knew they’d get more money this way.
We dropped our bags off and went to the ‘restaurant’ downstairs. We were given straight chilli puree as an entrée and told it wasn’t too hot. It was. We semi ran down to the corner to get supplies from a convenience store.. it cost about $8 aus for a bag of food and a 6yr old Mexican boy scooped it all up and put it in a bag for us. He was running around the place like the manager of a restaurant. So funny.
I switched the TV on and found an English station. I was so happy I nearly wee{d my pants. Tully tried to sharpen the reception and pulled the cord out. No more TV. And live wires. Apparently they weren’t paying for the electricity. Some fat man came and fixed it for us and we watched The Pursuit of Happiness with the audio of a Spanish music channel.
The lock on our door was the same of that on a toilet cubicle, so I decided to put a coffee table up against it for extra security. So at least if we were about to be murdered we’d hear about it first.
We were up at the crack of dawn with the hope of getting on a bus to Puerto which we’d planned to do last night. We had an assortment of curries, wedges, chilli and grey eggs to chose from for breakfast, so after enjoying that amazing meal we organized another cab to a bus station we’d looked up on the internet. Finally we get here and are again the only backpackers around. We visit a bunch of terminals trying to find a bus that will take us 15hrs over the mountains to the coast and get told that the bus doesn’t leave until 7:45pm. It’s about 9:30am. Which leaves us with a bit of time to kill and lot of small shops to get food poisoning from. There’s a stall selling posters. The one out the from is of a Mexican teen in the 80s with his hair slicked back. Underneath in running writing is says ‘nigger’. I think ill go there..
LA - Die Junkie Batman
So after saying goodbye to you bastards at the airport and running through the gate, id just like to state that i WAS in the right line, and rebeccas hysterical screaming laughter coming through the doors was of no help whatsoever.
United is officially the worst airline in the world. Aside from the fact that all americans are fat and i was squashed in between them, Captain BRADY did not stop talking or repeating uniteds tagline. There was a communal tv in front of me so everything was rated G. I got through most of Mumma Mia and then realised id rather swallow glass than watch Merryl Streep belt out another song about how many men shes slept with.
Fifteen hours and no friends later, I stumbled off the plane to meet a screaming and sugar highed tully. Next to her was our friend David, who we met one night out in Syd, waiting with his mercedes to drive us home. David decided that we'd go out that night in hollywood, and it wouldnt be a true experience unless we stayed in a hotel on hollywood blvd. i started laughing at this point and didn{t stop for the next two days.
We swanked up about 7 bars that were totally over the top and tried to hide the creases in our clothes from being shoved in backpacks. We ended up at a place called Koi shotting a $500 bottle of vodka and being completley innapropriate - travis walter brown style. We ordered food on god knows who's tab and ate it about as ladylike as a pack of starved buffalo. They invited us back to their hotel room for a bowl of coke and some hookers, but david politley declined.
Instead we went to the Roosevelt, where we were staying, and went to the club there. The night ended disgustingly drunk and with large burgers
i just fucked this spanish keyboard so now full stops dont work: my bad:
David had a triathalon the next day so tully and i unleashed ourselves on hollywood blvd. My favourite part are the bunch of disney characters that dress up for photos. They're all junkies who've either stolen or bought their costumes.. and people are paying them to pose with their kids. I had to tell Batman to fuck off after he scared the living shit out of us both by sneaking up behind us and spreading his wings. We turned around to darkness and this beef cakes face. I thought the world was ending.
We saw Twilight and explored LA's version of Oxford Street. David took us back to his house after paying for the hotel and the mini bar we raided when drunk.. he ended up vommiting for 12 hrs and then driving us to the airport to get on a plane to Mexico. Poor man. Tully and i almost accidentally drowned his dog as well. but that's another story.
United is officially the worst airline in the world. Aside from the fact that all americans are fat and i was squashed in between them, Captain BRADY did not stop talking or repeating uniteds tagline. There was a communal tv in front of me so everything was rated G. I got through most of Mumma Mia and then realised id rather swallow glass than watch Merryl Streep belt out another song about how many men shes slept with.
Fifteen hours and no friends later, I stumbled off the plane to meet a screaming and sugar highed tully. Next to her was our friend David, who we met one night out in Syd, waiting with his mercedes to drive us home. David decided that we'd go out that night in hollywood, and it wouldnt be a true experience unless we stayed in a hotel on hollywood blvd. i started laughing at this point and didn{t stop for the next two days.
We swanked up about 7 bars that were totally over the top and tried to hide the creases in our clothes from being shoved in backpacks. We ended up at a place called Koi shotting a $500 bottle of vodka and being completley innapropriate - travis walter brown style. We ordered food on god knows who's tab and ate it about as ladylike as a pack of starved buffalo. They invited us back to their hotel room for a bowl of coke and some hookers, but david politley declined.
Instead we went to the Roosevelt, where we were staying, and went to the club there. The night ended disgustingly drunk and with large burgers
i just fucked this spanish keyboard so now full stops dont work: my bad:
David had a triathalon the next day so tully and i unleashed ourselves on hollywood blvd. My favourite part are the bunch of disney characters that dress up for photos. They're all junkies who've either stolen or bought their costumes.. and people are paying them to pose with their kids. I had to tell Batman to fuck off after he scared the living shit out of us both by sneaking up behind us and spreading his wings. We turned around to darkness and this beef cakes face. I thought the world was ending.
We saw Twilight and explored LA's version of Oxford Street. David took us back to his house after paying for the hotel and the mini bar we raided when drunk.. he ended up vommiting for 12 hrs and then driving us to the airport to get on a plane to Mexico. Poor man. Tully and i almost accidentally drowned his dog as well. but that's another story.
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